60 questions to ask before a first date
The best questions to ask before a first date are open, light and a little specific, so the other person tells a story instead of giving a one-word answer. Here are 60, sorted from easy to deeper, plus the one habit that makes any question work: follow up on the answer.
How to use these questions
- One at a time. Firing off questions in a row feels like an interview. Ask one, and let the answer lead somewhere.
- Answer them yourself too. A conversation is a trade. Share your answer, even if they don't ask.
- Follow up. "Why that one?" or "What happened next?" is where you actually get to know someone.
- Go from light to deep. Start easy. Save the bigger questions for when the conversation is flowing.
Easy openers
- What's your go-to comfort meal?
- What's a tiny thing that always makes your day better?
- What song have you had on repeat lately?
- Morning person or night owl? Defend your answer.
- What's your most useless talent?
- What are you looking forward to this week?
- Coffee, tea or neither?
- What's the last thing that made you laugh out loud?
- What's your favorite way to spend a Sunday?
- What's something you've gotten really into lately?
Everyday life
- What does a really good day look like for you?
- What's the best part of where you live?
- What do you do to switch off after a long day?
- What's a place in your city everyone should try?
- Are you a planner, or do you figure it out as you go?
- What's something you're learning right now?
- Who in your life do you talk to the most?
- What would you do with a free afternoon tomorrow?
- What's a habit you're proud of?
- What's your favorite thing to cook, or order?
Fun and playful
- Be honest: pineapple on pizza, yes or no?
- If we had one free Saturday, what's the plan?
- Would you rather have a great view or a great kitchen?
- What's a hill you'll happily die on?
- Rank these: beach, mountains, city, countryside.
- What's the most "you" thing you own?
- What's a movie you could watch again and again?
- What would your friends say you're weirdly good at?
- If you could master one skill overnight, what would it be?
- What's the best gift you've ever given someone?
Questions that get a story
- What's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
- What's the best meal you've ever had, and who were you with?
- What's a trip that changed how you see things?
- What's a childhood memory that still makes you smile?
- What's something you did that surprised you?
- What's the best advice anyone has given you?
- Who's someone who shaped who you are?
- What's a moment you felt really proud?
- What's a small risk you took that paid off?
- What's a tradition from your family you love?
What matters to you
- What are you most grateful for right now?
- What makes you feel really understood by someone?
- How important is family in your life?
- What's something you'd never compromise on?
- What does a good friend do that others don't?
- What does "home" mean to you?
- How do you like to show someone you care?
- What's something you've changed your mind about?
- What role does your culture or faith play in your life, if any?
- What are you working toward right now?
Looking ahead (when it's going well)
These help you both find out whether you want the same things. Ask them gently, and share your own answer first.
- What are you hoping to find on a dating app?
- What does a good relationship look like to you?
- Where do you see yourself living in five years?
- Is having kids something you think about?
- What did your last relationship teach you?
- How much time together feels right to you?
- How do you handle disagreements?
- What does a perfect ordinary weeknight look like with a partner?
- What's something you want to do with someone, one day?
- What made you want to keep talking to me?
Questions to save for later
Some topics are better once you know each other: the details of past relationships, exact salaries, and anything that feels like a test. They aren't off limits forever. They just land better when there's trust.
The question is only the start. The follow-up is where you get to know someone.
Questions are built into Fated
On Fated, you get to know someone through conversation first. Their photo sharpens as you talk, and job and age are shared only when you both say yes, so questions like these are how things begin. When you want a spark, send a question from Fated to both of you, or play This or that, Rank it or Finish the sentence together. Several of the questions above come straight from the app.
Need an opener first? Read what to say in a first message.
Questions people ask
What are good questions to ask before a first date?
Open, light questions that invite a story work best, such as "What's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?" or "If we had one free Saturday, what's the plan?". Follow up on the answer to keep it going.
What should you not ask on a first date?
Save the details of past relationships, exact salaries and anything that feels like a test for later, once there's more trust.
How many questions should you ask on a first date?
There's no number. Ask one, listen, follow up and share your own answer. A few good questions with real follow-ups beat a long list.
How do you ask deeper questions without being intense?
Start light, let the conversation warm up, and share your own answer first. Frame it as curiosity, not a test.
How do you find out if you want the same things?
Ask gentle, open questions about what you're each hoping to find, what a good relationship looks like and big plans like kids or where to live.